Playing Music Live.

Tonight my band, Green Sirens, make our live debut at an open mic night in Bristol. It’s been 20 years since I’ve played music live. I feel like I usually feel just before I deliver a talk: nervous, excited, scared I’ll be facing an audience full of professionals who are there to find flaws in what I do. All the same irrational feelings, when really it’s a much bigger deal in your head than in real life, and no one cares that much. It’s only an open mic night, after all. I hope I can relax and enjoy it, as I usually do when we’re rehearsing and I’m pretty sure I used to do back in the old days with my high school band. But playing live as a 42-year-old feels like it comes with more baggage than in your teens. People expect you to be good, I guess. I must be a far better player than back then – I’ve spent years seriously knuckling down and practising like I never did when I was younger. My technique has definitely improved a lot. But I still never really feel I’m a good drummer, far less a great one. I play for fun, and because it feels good, just like when I write: it’s absorbing and consuming, and I feel a deeper connection to something bigger. That’s what I hope to get from playing live too — that and the rush of adrenalin you get after doing something that scares and thrills you. I hope it’s like I remember.